She made her straightforward opinions known on Loose Women and is now recognized as Britain’s most candid advice columnist, offering guidance on issues related to sex, relationships, and life.
Dear Coleen
My spouse and I are anticipating the arrival of our first child in January, a moment of great joy for both sets of grandparents as this child will be their first grandchild.
My concern lies in the fact that my mother-in-law has assumed the responsibility of coordinating with my mother to plan purchases for the baby – such as a crib, stroller, car seat, and other essentials.
She believes it is customary for grandparents to undertake this task, but my parents may not be in a position to afford these costly items.
I can sense that my mother is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation.
Therefore, I have reassured her not to worry and assured her that I will manage to address the situation with my mother-in-law.
My partner and I are willing to purchase the major items ourselves, and if the grandparents wish to provide gifts upon the baby’s arrival, we welcome that.
The disparity lies in the financial status between my in-laws and my parents, making it easier for the former to afford these expenses. I feel regretful that my mother, in particular, has been placed in this uncomfortable position and wish my mother-in-law had consulted with us before making any commitments.
I aim to handle this situation delicately without causing embarrassment or distress to anyone and would appreciate any suggestions on how to manage it.
Coleen advises
I recommend that your spouse be the one to address this issue with his mother. He simply needs to convey that you do not wish to burden your parents (or anyone else) financially with the purchase of these expensive items, as you have already made arrangements for them.
It might be better for the grandparents to consider giving a meaningful gift when the baby is born, as it will hold more sentimental value when personally chosen. Politely suggest coordinating future ideas through you before any commitments are made.
My concern is that if you do not address this matter now, similar situations may arise in the future where your in-laws inadvertently place your parents in challenging positions – such as during the christening or the baby’s first birthday. Reassure your mother that the value of a gift is not in its price but in the thought and care put into
