On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I embarked on the task of sorting through four boxes of tree ornaments, dividing them between us. Kit, now living independently, was eager to decorate her own Christmas tree. As we delved into the decorations, memories of past losses and grief resurfaced for me, reflecting on the absence of children no longer present during the holidays.
Our family had experienced a significant journey over eight years, fostering 23 children, with most placements being temporary. Through fostering, our two children joined our family through adoption. Surprisingly, Kit had a deep connection to the origin stories behind each homemade ornament, even those crafted by individuals she had never met. It was a revelation to me that her recollections of holiday moments differed from mine.
Unpacking one box revealed a tree topper received by my husband and me on our first Christmas together as newlyweds. As I examined the delicate iridescent angel, my fingers traced a crack between its wings and body. Though Krazy Glue held the angel intact, our marriage had not endured. Passing the angel to Kit, I pondered if she would cherish it despite its fragile state. To my delight, her eyes sparkled beneath her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted the angel.
Reminiscing, Kit recollected how she had always yearned to be the one to place the angel atop the tree but felt too small in the past. We shared a moment of laughter, acknowledging her growth over the years. Thus, it was decided that the angel would adorn Kit’s tree.
Opening another tin, I unearthed a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. Constructed from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas party, the ornament stirred a mix of emotions within me. Despite the sorrow and regret surrounding the boy’s departure from our lives, we hoped he understood the depth of our love for him.
Sensing my emotions, Kit took the Santa decoration from my hands, reminiscing how I always placed it near the base of the tree for her to play with. She expressed her fondness for the ornament, noticing the flames crafted at the back of the sleigh, reminiscent of a movie scene.
In our efforts to create inclusive holiday experiences for our foster children, my former husband, our parents, and I adjusted our Christmas traditions. We scheduled our family dinner on alternate days around Christmas to allow the children to spend time with their families without feeling left out. A simple tradition of gifting unique ornaments to each child was established, giving them the choice to keep the ornament as a memento of our time together.
Unveiling a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky embellishments, memories flooded back of my son’s playful nickname for the ornament. Recalling a past division of ornaments during a previous separation, I reflected on the significance of these tokens in our lives.
As Kit held the Rudolph ornament, she shared her appreciation for the consistency it brought to her Christmas celebrations, regardless of her location. Her insight into the enduring value of such ornaments amid life’s changes left me introspective.
This year’s tree decorating holds a new promise for me, as I anticipate my daughter’s joyous perspective to overshadow any lingering sadness attached to each ornament. I eagerly await the unveiling of Kit’s decorated tree, brimming with her unique narrative.
